14) December 25, 2003: Still lost.
14 Still Lost
After two failed attempts to place a nasogastric tube, take the swallowing problems are increasing. The oncologist from the Radboud makes every effort to provide adequate support. Palliative care from the Radboud Hospital is good: the patient is central and everything is done to enable the suffering. In order to solve the moisture deficit appears to be a day case for a possible infusion. On November 13 there is still a stomach tube put in Peter. An intervention that had seemed impossible a week earlier. Peter was not a vegetable, are indeed .. But the difficulty swallowing put everything into focus. Dehydration was in fact already happening. But still a trick. The surgery itself - achieved in a hospital for two days, without problems. Unfortunately there will be a complication: anxiety. The doctor analyzes the scan room and finds: lymphangitis carcinoma. Despite the anguish Peter wants to go home. The ward doctor let him go node. It is clear that she has serious concerns. The commitment that we always can call the department, we're going home. Although climbing a staircase with fourteen steps a daunting task, but home is lovely and quiet. Prescription drugs seem to control some trouble. By tube feeding restores the condition of Peter himself. He has the power to a new computer and installed in a home network to build. Peter allows Lara to her own room may send. A fine gift for a child Santa Claus of today.
On Friday December 5th exacerbate the problems with anxiety. A very awkward moment for the hospital to call. But the oncologist is available and suggests that a chest x-ray to make again to see whether the fluid in the lungs is the cause of this problem. Because of the time this is done through the emergency department of the hospital. Decided to include. There is even a single exposure rather than a place in the body for pain care. From the hospital, contacted a company that can provide home oxygen equipment. On Tuesday, December 9 is an oxygen tank at home with many meters hose is inserted and Peter back from the hospital.
Life is limited. Tube feeding and now have an oxygen machine. But the digital age softens the physical limitations. With oxygen probe and device via the email still many friends and acquaintances contact. However, take the anxiety problems. The lie is more difficult, which calls for extra tightness. On Thursday, December 11 is again discussed with the oncologist. It notes that the chemo does not sufficiently reduce symptoms and suggests them to stop. But now, our question is, how far should it go now suffering? On very appropriately translates the oncologist our question in terms of a request for euthanasia. Write a letter to the GP and explain how it is there. There is a desperate situation. Tell yourself what makes it unbearable.
On Saturday, December 13th we deposit a letter in the mailbox at the doctor. A few days later, she visits us, and notes that the situation is very serious and that there are hopeless agony. Because of the approaching Christmas and all the problems that can bring about the accessibility, searching the doctor will contact a second doctor. On Wednesday, December 17 finds that discussion with the physician-euthanasia position. A very good discussion, where euthanasia doctor very well both the advantages and disadvantages of a potential euthanasia discussed. Meanwhile we are full of life and supports it wholeheartedly to the doctor, they come almost daily along. Medications to reduce cough, shortness of breath order to reduce the inflammation in the lungs under control, the mucus in the throat to make slimmer. The home is on, for a custom bed, so that Peter can not rest yet instantly be muggy. It works, thanks to the efforts of GPs and community nurse, to the days before Christmas, a custom bed. In addition, the doctor for a prescription record and a trade in case something goes wrong during the holidays.
Unfortunately, the realized measures bring no relief. Injecting morphine does lead to few hours sleep, but these are followed by hours and hours coughing. And orientation of which could increase the grip on Peter's life was lost. Together, we conclude that this means worse than the disease. The custom bed brings no relief. Observe the anxiety symptoms, and compounded bya lying position, in the custom bed. Less than an hour, Peter is full on the custom bed. After these sleepless night is clear that no relief is more to come. The breathing apparatus is still a notch higher.
After months of not having eaten, after weeks of tube feeding and after a week of breathing apparatus and can hardly sleep when suddenly there. My always positive and combative Peter says: I can not and I do not want this anymore, but call the doctor.
The doctor came and helped Peter to a quiet death. Thanks, it was the last thing he said. Thursday, December 25, 2003, Peter died with peace in his heart. On Tuesday, December 30 was his farewell. A beautiful farewell, with nice speeches and nice music, and have a wonderful person. Who had the power to change what is changing, but also the serenity to accept what had not been changed. And who had the wisdom to distinguish one from another.
