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17) dated May 9, 2003: Karen is physically and mentally exhausted, and indicates to die in Ireland. The CLT has not already killed her cancer and the doctors indicate that she no longer want and can handle more.

dated May 9, 2003:
Last week I had five days in Ireland because Karen wanted to tell the camera how she was and what decisions they had taken. I want to try one objective and factual report but to say that I become so emotionally and Rinus Karen and the children involved I'm afraid that I was not entirely necessary distance to be taken. But in all good conscience I will try it a fact and not too emotional to report.

Rinus had already prepared me and said that Karen was very painful and completely under the morphine and methadone Sat Still, it was quite confronting to see Karen again as they always disappeared by morphine during my visit and conversations I had with her. Karen is dead and tired of everything that has happened to her last month and has expressed a desire to die.

Once at the regional hospital in Limerick the planned surgery of her left breast had not gone by Karen moved to a nursing home for palliative (soothing) of cancer patients. The Mildred House is an old monastery converted into a modern nursing. It is in the medical field working closely with the regional hospital where Karen had recorded some weeks earlier. Mildred in the House, no further treatment given except that they specialize in pain management and do all the patient's life as pleasant as possible. Every day there is foot reflexology, aromatherapy, lymfmassage if you want, there is a hairdresser at home etc. etc. Basically, anything that the patient is cared for and given. Course, in consultation with the doctors and nurses there. But for Karen, even shopped at a health food store for her every day to give such vegetable. Also a vitamin blend including amino acids with Dr. Carmodey Karen gets every day nicely put. There is one restriction: Karen can not in principle form of light therapy or PDT do. It is not believed and it has so far banned.
In my personal opinion is also a problem. The people are so very nice to Karen that it is very difficult for her to do and Rinus her / their own way / choices to keep going, because it means a conflict with the people who do anything for her / their actions. Fact is that a chest x-ray example of just ten days ago still no metastases in the lungs showed. The bone scan of five weeks ago from the Netherlands gave clean bones. On a liver ultrasound were right now - five weeks ago in the Netherlands is completely clean - the doctors seen as small dots might indicate incipient tumors but is not confirmed by a biopsy. However, there is around the dying left breast that all black and shriveled, a border of about 3-4 cm. red and bumpy with lots of fabric odor, clearings and in my opinion and the growing cancer doctors. I do not want to say is that it goes well with Karen. On the contrary it looks very very worrying, but the fact remains that if a surgical removal can be done whether or not after radiation and / or therapy would have a very good mi Karen chance to live longer. But doctors do not want more, they see from their perspective and experience no possibility to treat more and Karen has the property.

Karen told me and the camera that she no longer wants to die and Ireland. Rinus and even the arrival of the children - who came to Ireland on Sunday and remain there at least until the summer and are also starting on Monday to a free school there - have no influence on Karen's fighting spirit. Karen told me that she physically and emotionally exhausted and would rather die than continue to explore ways of healing. She told Rinus instance where I was that he no longer had to keep nagging about surgery, "it is good so I opted for a therapy that sounded promising and I still believe that something good that CLT is but for me it was not good enough. And now it is gone. I wish to heaven I do to find peace. I've done enough. Too bad but it is no different. " Karen and emphasizes once again that if they had the choice now would be like in October 2002 they would do exactly the same. No chemo, no radiation, may have surgery in advance, because it seems as if the light therapy just failed, the size of the tumor mass with her, the light therapy was a lot but not everything away and a surgical removal of the largest tumor mass and then after treatment of light would probably have worked much better. But Karen says Rinus and confirmsthat: "I was just one of the pioneers - the first patient from the Netherlands - and the attending CLT doctor last week also admitted that to me ever laser work might have been making things much too quickly for my body. The large dead tumor mass, my physical condition because of the many infections seriously affected a lot of pain so I'm in a vicious cycle ended. Morphine inhibits according to Karen and her and Rinus consulted doctors also an immunological process, a process that precisely by the CLT should be generated. Rinus and added "if there was something more understanding from the normal side had been for this experimental approach and consultation / collaboration between physicians and oncologists CLT was much more than have been possible."

I personally think that this was indeed the case, but I also do - but I think this is hard to write because I do understand why and how this arises and you absolutely enormous respect for their choices and fight - but I Rinus and Karen think that sometimes their very own chartered course and mi a bit too much relied on pure emotion and not always in fact. Therefore they emit the regular doctors that something was off well if you'd like to go then that's your choice. However, they are also very poorly supported by both physicians and CLT-by mainstream doctors, even there much opposition encountered by their own admission, so do understand that Karen and Rinus feel very lonely and have felt lost in this whole process. But such early as December 2002, I asked them to or surgical removal of the left breast is not yet an option could be, but Karen felt this as an infringement of their spiritual choices and did not want. This is obviously a physician to respect, but do wonder if they are not thereby throwing the door for a possible cooperation and assistance from the regular side. A few weeks ago if she did have surgery but is now too late. Nobody dares to do another surgery because they fear that they will not survive the surgery and that surgeons not close the open wound will get. I should also mention that it is very difficult in such an experimental treatment process which apparently nobody really knows right from or to tell the right decisions.

As Karen continues to regard them until her death in the House Mildred. They said to really be comfortable with all the care she gets mad enough and she told me are actually quite happy. Karen looked as ready to die. Rinus has it all is very hard, some would still want to work with such an additional light therapy and a new highly sensitive photosensitizer by Dr.. Carmody - which is very nice and helpful to them and everything paid for hotel costs so far - but will in all Rinus Karen's respect her wishes. As difficult for him.

Personally, I feel very touched by everything that happens to Karen. And I also need time for myself to get everything lined up to what is now my role in it was. Also by the attention I give to the CLT-therapy have given and still do on this website. It's been too much? All too positive? Of course, I have always stressed that it is everyone's own choice - see our disclaimer - that CLT is a purely experimental treatment, etc. but I feel too much personal doubts. I hope it does come out with myself, but is not easy. I lie awake sometimes all there is.

Because despite it with Karen is bad unpacked and not every patient - but others do it - by the CLT improved looks much less cure, we do behind the scenes with very interesting contacts involved and seems PDT (CLT is purely a Dr. trade. Porter his organization, but is in fact a PDT treatment with a new photosensitizer) with a new photosensitizers very interesting development and research. In fact, we are in touch with regular PDT specialists and PDT centers elsewhere in Europe in secret for several years working with new photosensitizers including the use radachlorin the CLT-therapy, but it can and wants to now not much to write . From Foundation for Health News and want to have a meeting planning a number of people / doctors / PDT specialists this internationally are working to foster cooperation effecting even if alone in the exchange of research and experience about treatment with PDT and new photosensitizers. We will keep you on this course, familiar.

For those who want to know about other experiences with CLT-therapy, there is now an English mail group set up where people share their experiences CLT treatment or information may require a CLT treatment to do. If you send us an e-mail address I can send and how to join etc. pass.