17) Grief is not only loss: mail to the mail group of cancer-current dated October 30, 2004

17 Grief is not only loss: mail to the mail group of cancer-current dated October 30, 2004

Dear all,

A while I heard little from me. Still I read all the emails and I live with you. I reply in the group especially if I think someone really could benefit from my experiences. I do so is partly self. Intensive join the mail group takes a lot of time and that is at odds with other things (daughter, work, home, garden, walking) that are also worth time. But finally say goodbye to the mail group I can not, because you go to my heart. In part because of its links with Peter, in part because of the enrichment that these contacts do for myself. I learned a lot about how different people deal with problems. The one problem that especially if you see something (by the attitude of others) is done, the other primarily consults with himself about what you can do. Often you see a whole learning process to occur, where people gradually regain control of their lives. I also really nice to see. The sources of inspiration and strength are different. In all this diversity sometimes suddenly sparks jump on me and that I experience as something good.

The mourning after the loss of someone is experienced differently. I myself have now created a text that I'm soon to send to all the people who participate have expressed after the death of Peter. In it I say something about my grieving process. I think that's good for myself but for others. Peter and I have always talked about cancer in our environment, making it somewhat of a taboo was. So I actually mourning the atmosphere of prejudice out. I also mention you in that text. I add in the text below.

Dear greetings,
Lucia

On December 25, 2003 Peter died from the effects of cancer. The positive way he dealt with his illness is described as extensive experience on the site of story-www.kanker actueel.nl, now under the keyword esophageal cancer.

Peter was positive, initiative and easygoing, yet realistic, critical and disciplined. Perfectionist in matters that he cared about, but economist when considering value for money. If he was not convinced of the usefulness of a particular course of action, refused to cooperate. But when he saw it important, he followed closely all instructions or developed better self. To his mind, he wound not beat. The way in which Peter lived, is still an example to us. Like its strategy to deal with difficulties. Make problems bigger than they are, he said. Do not worry about what else might happen, but concentrate on the facts in the present situation and what you can do to the problems associated with the best possible deal. And above all look at each situation to the positive sides.

That counsel of Peter we have taken to heart in the processing of his death. Peter was happy with his life and he was not afraid of death. Every day we feel the inspiration of his powerful personality and positive attitude, so we are open to good experiences. With warmth we look back at the wonderful farewell meeting with the speeches, the poem and the music together such a beautiful living picture outlined by Peter. We smile with anecdotes about him. We welcome the inspiration it gives still others, such as people with problems, imagine how Peter would have reacted in this case. We are proud of the way he is remembered. Dont Look Back, the band played at Peter, he has celebrated in style with several performances by the stars of heaven in the implementation of Something. The old friends of the cycling club "still occupy it" in their annual cycling holiday special "Koekie-Memorial Day" introduced a Koekietrofee a trophy as a reward for winning a time trial after empty drinking a bottle of beer (two specialties Peter). All these initiatives are dear to us. Like the inspiring support and friendship we have received from so many people after the death of Peter. This helps us continue to live by the motto of the ancient hymn sing-fight-crying-laugh-bid work and admire, so beautifully performed by The Lau, the beautiful CD Adultery / The God of the Netherlands, where so much Other songs are touching.

Currently doing well with us. Lara is doing well in school, make fun with her classmates, sitting on basketball, regularly visits her father and his family and loves music (Gothic, hits). Lucy feels every day strengthened by thememories of Peter in his mind and tries to live. Sources of energy while the spirits of Lara, of female pleasure in daily activities, maintaining their own fitness, poetry, music, not to mention all the emails back and forth, especially with the mail group connected to the internet site cancer-current. Several group members who mail me in a short time have become very dear, are now deceased themselves. Each time a painful loss. But I have mutual commitment and sharing of deep feelings about life and death experience as a precious enrichment of my life.

Meanwhile, we are one step further. The urn with the ashes of Peter is placed in an urn burial. We are delighted that there is now a place where his name is written in stone. The urn on the bike I brought to the cemetery. Peter lived environmentally conscious and one of his precepts was to selectively use the car. The urn in the bicycle tour I have made along a variety of precious places. Over the dike, the water along the bakery Tonnie Sas ("bread you buy at a bakery"), along pub The Copper Strangles where so many pleasant hours spent, along hairdresser Thilly ("if my hair look good" - said Peter regularly as relativization of many violent events), along the bike shop Theo Renkens ("for a good bike I have as much respect as a good doctor"), past the pub at that time Ronnie and Frieda where we wedding as enjoyable informal celebrated, along the site at the time butcher Weenk such delicious steaks sold by the church he always loved his visor was organized on the computer store by Rob van Leeuwen, where his last bike ride to made and along the ditch where he played as a child. The cemetery is located on the Rue Royale in Druten, near the spot where Peter was born. Thus the circle of life around again. On the tombstone are the words that are so typical for him:

I have a nice life.
Too bad it was so short.

How we will go we know not of course. For now doing well. We feel privileged that we have so many fond memories of Peter, who strengthen us to continue. It may be that the big bang comes later, when the magic of memories of the lost strength. Life itself will teach us bit by bit.

October 30, 2004
Boerma and Lucia Lara