17. The treatments in Germany and hope that gives
Phase 4 period June 2001 t / m in January 2002
As good as we felt and it was so bad in this period, it was actually medically during this period. Just about everything one can think of happened to us in this period.
It started with noting that there were metastases became active in the basin of my husband and even into his intestine (within two months after the last chemotherapy). Shortly thereafter it became clear that he also had a tumor in his lungs (lymph). He has a lot of the pain had spread to his pelvis. Real bone pain, just as the previous year. Had to swallow again morphine. He received a severe pneumonia. And metastases were found in September in his head, not one but seven! That was devastating, a huge shock. A time when we thought we had to give up. That nothing could be done and it was over. And there were new tumors discovered in his back.
The difference was in the way the doctors in Germany this, these setbacks could you could call them, dealt. They went all the harder. Radiation to the metastases in the lungs and pelvis like to address. A biopsy (surgery to remove a piece of tumor from the lungs to get) into a laboratory to test what the chemo would work best for my husband. Developing a bio-vaccine specifically for my husband in the context of immunotherapy using tumor cells and blood. Experimental chemotherapy of the metastases in his head.
What a huge difference in Germany is the continuous monitoring of the patient. Not only blood samples, but extensive blood tests (weekly), regular and detailed scans (bone, spine, lung, head, etc..) Ever to make sure the cancer was active, the finger on the pulse. In this way we were always fast and on time and was also equal treatment adjusted. And of course the fact that they are more fights to bounce back with us to come. It never gave up and lowered the courage, always looked for other treatments that would benefit or give us courage and dictates.
That does not mean there were moments when we are not at the end of our tether were. That we fought so tired that we were just not cutting down. But there was always one of us again the other jack. And we learned that we have (bad) news had not only received, we made sure we always had someone who joined us and what we could talk if she had, which occurred as a buffer between us, where we were able to expression.
In this period we have decided no longer to make plans but from day to day, week to week to live. Every holiday and trip we had planned in this period we had to cancel and arrange replacement. Because all treatments abroad took place, we have weeks, months in 2001, resided in Germany. Hardly the children experienced during the time she returned to school and everything went through.
We felt sometimes become socially isolated, despite the efforts made for everyone to join us or visit us when we were abroad. More simply because you're not home and from there everything and everyone sees. And contacts are still more difficult.
We also had the feeling that we had a moment of peace. Every time there was a bit on the hand and we had another acute treatment trajectory.
As a partner I started getting tired. Tired of all the hassle, tired of the fact that there is no improvement in it and no sight was a visible improvement, tired of poor sleep, tired of fighting and fighting one year. Just tired, and you feel so helpless. And it's hard to be there for your partner and his courage to speak and again to enter. And then you feel guilty about, you let him down. You feel inadequate. While you want but are empty. Precisely in this period, so you need others to jump and help in many areas. With life, the kids catch a piece of red tape for you, but just a night come by and make sure you come with something else are doing, just have some distraction.
What helped me a lot during this period e-mail. Just at a time that suits you sit behind your PC and your account. Because of the endless phone ringing, you crazy sometimes.
Yet we heard at the end of this period is good news. In late November the scans showed that tumors in the head of my husband were reduced from seven to three. And the remaining smaller metastases had become. In early January the metastases were found in the main resolved fully in his pelvis and intestines no longer active in the lung completely gone and also gone into his back.
Great news, but you slowly penetrate your pass. You will be so accustomed to catching and processing of bad news, new setbacks that it is impossible to equal in a cheering and jubilant touch. You're always afraid that tomorrow is different, they have missed something about. And that feeling of insecurity, but slowly you become lost. Some people understand, then, that what "lukewarm" response to the stunning news. But slowly you become more relaxed and happy inside. We have a very happy holiday season where we had enjoyed all the holidays and they have experienced as conscious as possible. Because we had not thought of it years before another Christmas and New Year together have.
Tips
· Live from day to day. Make plans but keep in mind that you need to cancel them. If your kids have to deal with it, she prepared for. That does not mean the disappointments but makes it negotiable. Give them space to express their disappointment, how difficult you find it.
° concerns the children growing everywhere. Never give them false hope and set things never rosy, then trust they'll never since.
° concerns others and seek help there if you need eight. Call on others, often gives families also feel they are needed and can contribute.
• Make you have something where you can see your awful as a hobby, sports, friends you can talk, write, email, etc.. Pot is not too much, you frustrate yourself and you become resentful. That kind of emotion just suffocate.
· Spend your energy and focus only on what you consider important. You already do not have much energy in useless things or stabbing people. Some disappear from your life and others, very valuable, people are coming in correctly.
