PHASE 2 NOVEMBER 2000 T / M MARCH 2001
YOU HAVE CANCER.

There you are at home on the couch, hit well to chemotherapy, pain away. Few side effects from chemotherapy.

Thus began the construction period, of course, you realize where you are, you end up. Of course you are not alone as this stage, even your neighbor, spouse, children realize that their lot has changed.

These are very emotional week, sometimes you feel thrown into a bottomless pit, no grip. Everything plays through your head, what if, how long, what does it mean for your loved ones, there are still possibilities, sadness, fear.
Occupied with death, working on I can live longer.
Immense sadness, worry look at your partner, kids.

Marije and I have a lot of sitting on the bench, said, uttered. Sounds strange but there was one night we said to each other, this is not working, too, you can not be doing what when, and living with dying.
We must manageable, so we do not continue. We then said let's divide the process into several steps / stage 's and our first work on the first step. Do you feel again what to do and somewhere to work.
The first step was for us to arrange a number of practical issues and we want to know more about my cancer, we knew nothing of it, what are the possible scenarios, there are other treatments you name it.
Many people in the neighborhood told us it is so unfair, I never had that feeling, then who is dishonest to me? I have lived quite unhealthy and smoked like a chimney. In addition, you can not put down another, you must accept yourself. Also found soon the word battle / fight wrong. Create an enemy image does not help, it's strange as it may seem a part of your life, you can not lay next to you., Not an enemy state.

I would totally get five chemotherapy. So you get into the rhythm of chemo, 3 days a week, then three weeks rest.
Weekly control to the hospital. First blood sample and then the 10 minutes interview. The first 10-minute discussions were calm, we had many questions yet. We had mutually agreed that we first wanted to know if the chemo kicked and dependent outcome than many to ask the questions. Step by step .. Marije and I have introduced the following slogan: It is what it is, from there on. This means we are often together, you can still look back, do not change, tomorrow against it again and some of it.

After the second chemo was an X-ray and we got 10 minutes into the conversation saying that the right side went up. We "now we have a nice survey. Of these, looked and said yes but for that we do not have time, you know what a double take follow-up appointment so called "20" minutes.
Thus done in the follow-up became evident that further treatment after chemotherapy stopped. Will the cancer come back within three months then maybe a B-course, the rest only makes pain treatments such as these would come back. That was it. When we asked if there were other possibilities, this was denied, unknown. This was the approach for the rest no preventive treatment. After three years, everyone was dead was still subtly communicated.

This was disconcerting to us, you were just written off, no other attempt. At that moment we decided to go himself to find out whether there were other possibilities. If anything was found you at least felt a bit trying, still somewhere to go.

We were the first action taken for a second opinion, little return, then a conversation with KWF again no useful information.

The cure nicely finished, a weekly conversation, we ourselves had nothing more to ask, it was clear what we could expect from them.

Here you'll come at a crucial point, wants to go for every percent chance of cure cg. extension. The doctors have already written you, you're already in terminal stage. They therefore have no further plan more attacks. It is clear that what you want and their approach leads to irritation, frustration, you feel abandoned.
Guess they do not understand the cancer patient, you are sentenced to death but you want to appeal, will try some more. The doctors say really does not make sense, chances are so low because we do not help, we are creating opportunities not before, has not been scientifically proven.
Canhours you discuss, understand that there are limits, you name it. But it also offers something of a cancer patient, we will attempt some point they are only the possibilities.

So what advice should I give this time.
- Try to do as much as possible to know, how it goes, I'm for you depreciated or is there some preventive done.
- Decide whether you acquiesce in it and says OK, hope that the remaining time is long so I can enjoy some more.
Or say OK, go look around me and it would just go for it. Of course it seems easy to say I look around me at the other end of course takes time and energy that you can not spend on other things. But you're going if you look around you keep in mind that you have cancer with a bleak future. Problem does not clog even move on, otherwise you risk your deposit options while at other reality wegdringt. I found the choice considering the aggressiveness of lung cancer is not so difficult, was convinced that it would soon come back, we had between the lines also include the doctors ..
- We have our emotions more or less under control, you continually surrender to feelings is not sustainable. Of course you do it daily but you should continue.
- Avoid frustration trajectories, of course it is easy to buy into such a situation to react to others eg doctors. But anything helps. You will own the bin should.
- You are not only victims, even your environment. On together, while even if you have cancer you can still do a lot for your loved ones. They too need help.