5) The radiation condition

The Radiation Condition

Today, September 21, 2001
Today I was about 8 minutes 8 AMC hospital and there I received radiation for the tenth time.
The situation as known after loading Tipper was the most malignant tumor in the brains that we encounter: chioblastoom in the fourth degree.
The irradiation takes place daily, is short and has the effect: drowsiness and fatigue and weakness. This was already known in advance.
Why are people tired of the radiation is known as a phenomenon, but is not yet complete.
"How's that?" is the question asked. It takes a very short, with two narrow lead through the left and from above a given dose of radiation to the area around the tumor to reach the foothills of cancer cells to address. These are not seen, but the presence is known theoretically based on the pathological examination of tumor cells.
Irradiation of brains must occur so that the head does not move during the irradiation, deviations of a millimeter have been unfavorable.
What do we do it?
The mask. Irradiation to the head is well prepared. First, a mask made of a certain kind of plastic material which itself has a memory and can return to form already known! The mask is made of the head. Then the mask and then tested each time. The head is in the mask during irradiation completely put down, talk is already difficult, eyes are closed.
The mask is very nice because it ensures that the head remains stationary, so that there is no tension does exist. The time period of the mask is less than 10 minutes, about 6 minutes
Before the irradiation process is used, and another one must be tried.
This is called the CT-simulation.
I had myself suggested this as a complete simulation of the initiated proceedings, as a pilot learns to operate a flight simulator. It seemed very logical.
The CT simulation
The mask was already created two days before. The room was a tafelbed that could move followed by a great circular tunnel. I looked further and found the room is not a place for my glasses down. Then the doctor asked to take a stand against the wall for a photo. This proved to be made with a Sony Digital Mavica. Funny the doctor did not know exactly how the camera worked, so I say, give it here. I'm almost three years in the possession of such a camera. Just the way the doctor explained, the patient walking camera manual. Do not forget Peter! Anyway, I see the room and take no further place in the moving bed surrounded by doctors and four nurses / assistants.
The mask is mounted for the first time. This requires a lot of detail and I am surrounded by people who have at least lovers of sculpture, because the challenge now is to ensure that mask and a total equal person show, with one another and are noted on the mask. This is a kind of sculpture.
I prepared myself for the journey through the tunnel. The whole will be exactly 10 minutes to complete.
During this procedure will be either a CT, a scan of my current situation in the area of ​​the brain. This bothers me a little bit worried, because my own conclusion is new information on growing tumors but have been beaten down to work, taking advantage of my physical weakness after I am discharged from hospital. I have been on a diet heavy it (for real curious: http://www.kinderfilosofie.nl/eten ), but the week before, I just eat anything and everything. This appeared not to be the case, the scan is necessary for the preparation of the irradiation and is not used for a new diagnosis, indeed, the pictures turn out not even the surgeon to enter. A misunderstanding that could have been avoided (maybe) better information. We (I) (go) into the tunnel.
The whole head is completely nailed through the mask on three sides, eyes closed, although it visual light effects can reach the head, sounds are also observed. The five surrounding parties and leave the mechanical bed begins to move with the head is the figurehead. This trip, just 10 minutes, according to the information, has delivered a lot of experiences. It begins as follows.
I find myself a bit later in the Mont Blanc tunnel in a car. A little later I see the fire and smoke in front of me present themselves and feel the car behind me to bump me where the door does not openmay be due to the space next to the car.
Surprising because I do not know all these images of the TV.
From the tunnel we have high speed at the bottom of the submarine Kursk, enriched by further movement and buzzing sounds back and forth with both red and white flashing images. I write with the hand holding of a Marine from the Kursk who writes letters to his wife. Not shaking boy.
Seconds later the whole scene gewijzigd.Fukuyama (American philosopher) wrote a big pill to TRUST that I've never read, but a lecture from him about that I attended. Indeed, this whole procedure is only possible by completely relying on the five people I've left behind. They'll all know what they are doing, I can only hope for. This is a division of labor to which I fully accept and must trust. This world can only be lived with total confidence in those abilities and professions. Not just confidence, even the mechanism of the bed is a mechanism and any mechanism so as to falter. What this will mean I do not know, just take me on a plane never worry, no panic exaggerated. OK!
We have already moved and are now at a birthday party for Ingrid. I am 12 years old, first-class secondary school, St Marnix of St Aldegonde in Haarlem. We stand in a circle and each time a boy and girl in the middle of the circle, they can kiss. I come that evening in the middle right! I see Peter standing or who fails more than once.
What exactly is, how long could take 10 minutes. I remember the lesson I wrote for group 3, how long can take 5 minutes and force me to remember which they should choose examples that they should organize their temporal experience: longest and short-term. the list of at least five items I can remember 3. Pitiful score.
I realize that 10 minutes in any case much longer than I'm used to 10 minutes. It is reason to think that a lesson for senior students on the length of 10 minutes still a good sequel to the first lesson. Items that can be mentioned here. This of course has no further 10 minutes before.
Moving bed again and I'm in a white VW that completely painted white inside is a small hole after. An art project at Documenta in Kassel in 1987 and again I experience the ride in that car even see the images from that time through the small hole on the inner projected. I also understand why I back in that car, because then nothing was visible of what was driving the car, windscreens also painted white. I have at the time as one of the most exciting experiences in Kassel experience, with great pleasure that I can remember. Names of artists just are not available, a pair and they controlled the car.
We move towards foot, bright, clear that we have left the tunnel.
I think that if they ask what it was, my answer would be: "Fascinating experience", so much I have never experienced in 10 minutes.
There is only one nurse present, the others do not show up anymore. No questions.
I put glasses on and leave the simulation space nazinderend the impressive experience when I tell them to others as being horrible experience, but to me that has not been reached. What not possible in 10 minutes! I begin to understand something of what people sometimes tell from the movie they have seen just before they thought they would die.
Fairness, I have to report the surprise I had when I glanced once more space: after the great circle is less than 2 meters. I do not have traveled, I've just moved a little, just very regular. I thought the space at least more than 6 or 7 meters had been. Imagination will remain in power.

Berrie Heesen
11.30, prepared for the daily fatigue that occur now will come soon.